pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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