Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize