i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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