sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize