1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
