Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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