so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
