If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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