belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
