You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She needs sedatives and a leash
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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