Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
