Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
