i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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