Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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