OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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