i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
