PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
