dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
