I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
