gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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