some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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