I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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