Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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