wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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