I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We had sex on a dog bed..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
