Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
