Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
