How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
