I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
