On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize