So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
