Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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