I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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