So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
