I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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