I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
