Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
