omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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