I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize