How'd it feel making her break her religion?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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