just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They took my balls.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
