I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
