How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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