hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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