Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
