True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have so much sex to catch up on
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize