Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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