My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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