How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
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I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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