Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
