If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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