I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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