So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We are all done wearing pants today
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
