Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
