Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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