well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
