I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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