His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
