jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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