checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
