I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
