I faked an abortion last night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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