That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Acid is not a monday night drug
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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