You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
we're so committed to being not committed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
